random thoughts

i had this thought in the morning while on the MRT...
i decided that i really have to write it down...

like...

i want to believe that there is no next life (for me)
i always feel that living / being alive is a suffering...
dunno leh...
its like everyone is dying since they are born...
day by day closer to death...
jus that you dunno when the date (dead) line is...
haha...
after reading mitch albom's tuesdays with morrie since sec3/4??
ya...
i sort of ask myself everyday...
whether today is THE DAY?
if it is THE DAY? will you regret?
no.
super sadistic right, i know la...
please everybody...
read liao then forget it can...
thanks...

i mean...
some will try to do good deeds so that they can have a good life in their next life...
how you know? that you will be leading a good life in the next life?
its not like you'll be having memories of this life while you live your next life...
why...
have i lived a life before mine??
i wonder...
if there is next life, can i die die die bring along my memories with me..
so that i can be a better person in my presumably existing next life..

where then? does those great people go to?
where is Durkhiem? Marx? Weber? Shakespeare? Einstein?
are they born into another life?

think about it?
would you like to be a female or a male, if you can choose?
a woman's life course is said to be centered around her significant others.
a man's life course is oriented around work.
i rather be a woman then.
if ever i'm married, family will definitely be my priority...work/interest comes second
if lah..
which is not quite possible i think...
[i might consider being a mistress, actually i dont like the idea initially, but im starting to consider it.... hmmmm =D find a sugar daddy then...]
i do feel that people around me... are my guiding lights for directions...
i want to treasure people who are important to me...
least i would feel more like a human being, with emotions, with identities i can identify with other than work.
since our identities are given by others, or through the lens of others.

what is a human being then?
what is your meaning of life?
what is your purpose?

what if?
what if you never find your purpose?
what if?
what if you never find the meaning for living?
what if?

how does it feels like living a life of an ethnic minority?
eg. Indians... in Singapore...
we(Chinese) feels comfortable living here...
because we are the majority...
you know...

give me just one day...
in the life of another...

i should start considering doing FYP on these....
my thesis is....