heart-breaking

You're moving on so quickly, leaving me alone.
I'm still standing on the same spot where you left me.

You seem like a emotionless person.
Everything I did to revive this relationship, you just simply say, "I'm not changing my mind this time."

Didn't know you can be so cruel.
Wouldn't even give this relationship one last chance.
If you had, I would have tried my best to do anything you want me to do.
I would do anything for it.

I don't know if I'm stupid or what, trying every single thing, praying for every single miracle to happen every single day.
I pray when I wake up in the morning, I pray before I go to sleep.
Always looking at the cellphone every moment I walk pass it; holding it tightly, waiting for your message to come.
Hoping that you will tell me that all these while, it is just a nightmare, a joke, a prank.
Hoping that you will want me back.

Looking at the box of stuffs you gave me, brings me some energy to live on just one more day.
Guess its a karma, a retribution.
I left you once, now its your turn.

I have a diary that I hope, or I want you to read.
I hope after reading this, you might change your mind.

But Chun Yan, it is time for you to give him up.
He is not coming back anymore, why wouldn't you simply understand.

I'm not good enough for you, is it?
Thinking of me, only remind you of all those sad moments, is it?

I've never really smiled ever since you left.
But I don't think you even noticed it.
After you left, I couldn't do anything.
All I can do everyday is to think of you.

I really couldn't take it during the OBS camp, but luckily I had Zuo Han, Guan Hui, Xiao Yan and Shao Ting around.
Everytime I look at you, I feel like crying.
Guess you don't even know, everytime after tuition, I always don't dare to face you.
Because I'm really afraid that I would just cry non-stop.

I don't expect you to read this, and change your mind.
I just want to tell you how I felt all these while.
Because besides typing these, I don't know what else can I do to let you know.
You always seem so impatient when you are talking to me, or message me.
I didn't know I am such a burden.
So irritating to you.
Sorry.

Tell me, if you are happy with your life now.
With another girl in your mind?
If you are, then I can give myself an excuse to give you up.

I'm telling myself that it doesn't matter if you don't like me anymore, because I am going to give you up day by day.
At least I will try.
I might be waiting for you at the same time, but I know it won't be forever.
If I can't give up, at least I will try not to cry for you anymore.
I hate myself for being so useless, so weak.

Chun Yan, be strong k.